For years, Nigeria was more than a country to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie.
It was home. It was memory. It was identity. And, in many ways, it was part of the foundation on which she built her life and career as one of Africa’s most celebrated writers.
But the death of her 21-month-old son, Nkanu, has changed that relationship.
In a deeply personal interview with The New York Times, Adichie revealed that she no longer feels the same connection to Nigeria following the loss of her child.
Asked whether Nigeria still felt like a place close to her heart, the award-winning author gave an unusually blunt answer.
“My feelings toward Nigeria have changed.”
She added:
“I do not want to go back to Nigeria.”
Her words carry a weight far beyond an ordinary decision to stay away from home.
For Adichie, Nigeria had long been intertwined with who she was. She had previously described the country as the place that gave her “everything” she needed to become a writer.
Now, grief has complicated that bond.
The loss that changed everything
Nkanu, one of Adichie’s twin boys, died in December 2025 following a medical emergency at Euracare in Nigeria.
The tragedy has remained one of the most painful chapters of the writer’s life.
Recounting what happened during the interview, Adichie recalled a doctor approaching her after a procedure, appearing distressed despite having initially remained calm.
According to her, the doctor told her:
“Well, look, they gave him too much Propofol.”
Adichie said those words have remained permanently etched in her memory.
“I will never forget until the day I die,” she recalled.
The circumstances surrounding Nkanu’s treatment later became the subject of serious allegations by the author.
In June, Adichie publicly raised allegations of medical negligence over the treatment her son received at the hospital.
Those allegations have added another dimension to an already devastating loss, but the emotional consequences for Adichie appear to extend beyond the events surrounding the hospital.
They have changed the way she now sees Nigeria itself.
‘I do not want to go back’
Perhaps the most striking part of Adichie’s reflection is the certainty in her words.
Nigeria was once inseparable from her sense of self. Her childhood experiences, memories and understanding of Nigerian society have influenced much of her acclaimed literary work.
But the country is now also inseparable from the memory of the loss of her son.
Asked about returning, she made it clear that she currently has no desire to do so.
There is, however, one possible exception: her children.
Adichie said her children could be the reason she might eventually consider returning to Nigeria.
That possibility is complicated by the fact that her daughter still sees the country differently.
According to Adichie, her daughter continues to regard Nigeria as her “happy place.”
It is a striking contrast — a child still holding on to the joy associated with a country that her mother now finds difficult to return to.
A country that once gave her ‘everything’
Before Nkanu’s death, Adichie’s relationship with Nigeria was deeply rooted in her identity.
Nigeria was not simply where she was born.
It was the place that shaped her imagination, her experiences and, ultimately, her voice as a writer.
The country’s people, politics, contradictions, culture and everyday realities have repeatedly appeared in her work and public commentary.
That history makes her latest admission particularly painful.
The Nigeria she once carried so closely in her identity is now also connected to one of the most devastating experiences of her life.
And grief, she suggested, has made that contradiction difficult to escape.
‘It is so surreal’
Even as she spoke about Nigeria, Adichie returned to the reality she is still struggling to comprehend: the death of her child.
She described the experience as surreal, saying she still finds it difficult to believe that she is speaking about a son who is no longer alive.
“I mean, it is so surreal, all of this. I still can’t believe we’re talking about my son who died.”
She continued:
“You’re going through something, but you also feel like you’re outside of it.”
That description captures the strange distance that can accompany profound grief — the experience of living through something so painful that it can feel almost unreal.
When home becomes difficult to return to
Adichie’s revelation is ultimately about more than whether she intends to travel back to Nigeria.
It is about what happens when a place once associated with home, belonging and identity becomes permanently entangled with grief.
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For the celebrated author, Nigeria was once a source of memories and inspiration. It helped shape the woman who became a globally recognised writer.
But after Nkanu’s death, that emotional connection has been profoundly altered.
Her daughter may still see Nigeria as a “happy place”.
Adichie no longer sees it in quite the same way.
And perhaps the most painful part of her revelation is that the country she once considered home is now a place she says she does not want to return to — because somewhere within that country remains a memory she may never be able to separate from the loss of her son.