Every February 14, Nigeria suddenly pretends to be confused.
Churches are full. Hotels are booked out. Relationship statuses start multiplying like miracle loaves of bread. Twitter (sorry—X) becomes a battlefield.
Pastors warn against immorality in the morning, while by nightfall, the same city is vibrating with candles, red lingerie, and discreet Uber rides.
Valentine’s Day in Nigeria is not just about love.
It is about desire, secrecy, guilt, curiosity, performance, and sometimes, pure hypocrisy.
We like to dress it up as “celebrating love”, but let’s be honest: Lovers’ Day has quietly become a national conversation about relationships and sex—even though many people refuse to say the word out loud.
We argue about whether sex before marriage is a sin, yet hotels report their highest bookings in February.
We shame people online for being “loose,” yet our group chats are full of explicit jokes, leaked audios, and anonymous confessions. We preach restraint, but fantasize in silence.
So let’s stop pretending.
If Valentine’s Day is about intimacy—and intimacy includes sex—why are we still acting shocked when the topic comes up?
This article isn’t here to corrupt anyone.
It’s here to burst the bubble.
It’s here to ask uncomfortable questions.
Whether you’re married, dating, “talking,” sneaking around, or just mentally bookmarking ideas for the future, this conversation already exists in your head. We’re just bringing it into the open.
So, in the spirit of Lovers’ Day—and in the spirit of honest, consensual adult intimacy—here are five sex positions couples explore, not as instructions, but as conversation starters.
Read, argue, disagree, screenshot, or close the tab angrily.
Either way, the discussion has already started.
1. The Face-to-Face Position (Because Intimacy Is More Than Performance)
This position is often dismissed as “basic,” but it’s one of the most emotionally exposing ways to be with a partner.
It forces eye contact.
It forces presence.
There’s nowhere to hide.
For many Nigerian couples, this is uncomfortable—not because it’s boring, but because it requires vulnerability. You can’t pretend. You can’t perform. You have to connect.
Ironically, the position most people call “vanilla” is the one that reveals the most truth.
2. The Rear-Entry Position (Power, Control, and Why People Judge It)
Let’s be honest: this one causes arguments.
Some see it as empowering.
Others see it as degrading.
Some see it as exciting.
Some won’t even mention it out loud.
But the controversy around this position isn’t really about the act—it’s about control and perception. Nigerians love power dynamics in everything: money, marriage, gender roles.
So it’s no surprise that a position associated with dominance sparks debate.
The real question isn’t “Is it good or bad?”
It’s “Why does it trigger us so much?”
3. The Sitting or Chair Position (Because Sex Isn’t Only for Bedrooms)
Beds get all the credit, but intimacy doesn’t require a mattress.
This position is popular among couples who value closeness and creativity.
It blurs the line between conversation and connection. It’s slower, more deliberate, and often more emotionally charged.
Maybe that’s why it’s less talked about—it doesn’t fit the dramatic, performance-driven version of sex we see online.
Sometimes, intimacy is quiet. And that scares people more than noise.
4. The Woman-On-Top Position (And Why It Makes Some People Uncomfortable)
Ah yes. This one.
For some men, it’s exciting.
For others, it’s threatening.
For some women, it’s liberating.
For others, it’s “not ladylike.”
This position opens up uncomfortable conversations about control, pleasure, and gender expectations.
In a society where women are often expected to be passive—even in relationships—this flips the script.
And flipping scripts makes people nervous.
5. The Side-by-Side Position (Soft, Intimate, and Deeply Underrated)
This position isn’t loud. It won’t trend on social media. It doesn’t scream “wild.”
But it’s deeply intimate.
It’s for couples who value closeness, conversation, and emotional safety. The kind of position that feels less like an act and more like shared space.
Interestingly, it’s also one of the least discussed—because it doesn’t shock anyone. And in a culture addicted to drama, quiet intimacy doesn’t get enough attention.
The Real Controversy Isn’t Sex
Let’s be clear.
The real controversy isn’t sex positions.
It’s honesty.
It’s the gap between what Nigerians do and what we pretend not to do. It’s the silence, the shame, the double standards. It’s acting like desire makes someone immoral instead of human.
Also Read: Gabriel Suswam Resigns from PDP, Calls Party “Politically Unstable”
Valentine’s Day will come and go. Flowers will wilt. Status updates will disappear. But these conversations—about intimacy, consent, pleasure, and relationships—are long overdue.
So argue if you must.
Debate loudly.
Disagree passionately.
But don’t pretend this topic doesn’t matter.
Because whether we like it or not, Lovers’ Day in Nigeria has always been about more than chocolate and roses.
And deep down, we all know it.